Hi everyone. My name is Nick, I have been working at SYC full-time for the last 4 months. I previously completed a university placement with SYC and I am now a trainee fundraising officer here – and it is such a great job!
One of the tasks I have been getting on with is a review of the SYC website. One of the features on the website I have come across is the blog page – in theory a great idea, but very underused and ignored; until now. I am hoping this blog helps kick start more blog posts on our website, becoming a space where anyone can have a safe space to talk – but more about this later.
Working at SYC, I have seen both the impact of caring on young people, as well as the brilliant support and work that goes into supporting young carers across Sheffield. Everyone here is so dedicated and driven to achieve real difference for young carers. Whether it those directly working with young carers, or perhaps those more hidden behind the scenes, that same dedication and drive is there. Of course, each person will have different reasons for this, but this Carers Rights Day (well, the day after), I am going to share my story and motivation for working at SYC, as well as the cost caring has had on me.
I have never really been someone that like to make a fuss or draw attention to myself, I have always just been a ‘get on with it’ sort of person, happy to just crack on with things under the radar. At school, university and work I am like this, so sharing that I once was a young carer myself is something I rarely do – although now looking back on it with my experience here at SYC, it probably is partially because I didn’t realise this. My dad was diagnosed with Huntington’s disease whilst I was still young and at primary school. Very briefly for those who may not be aware of Huntington’s disease, it is a hereditary neurological disease that impacts speech, movement, mood, communication, eating/appetite and other ‘control regions’, which over time becomes worse. We witnessed this as a family, month by month, year by year. But, as many other young carers would say when asked about caring, ‘you just do it because you do, it’s just normal’. And me and my family were no different, we cared for dad in every way we could.
Whether it was helping him in/out of bed, helping him shower, helping him to the toilet, helping him into his chair, sorting out his meals/food/drinks, feeding him, helping him take medication, calming him when mum would not be in the house or simply just sitting with him, we would do it because we cared for him. There were times when things felt tough – I vividly remember trying to revise for my mocks during a time when my dad was restless, constantly attempting to get out of his bed despite his very limited ability to walk, as well as shout for my mum just because he wanted to make sure she was in the house. Although, the tough times I have are often balanced out, and maybe even surpassed, by the good ones – such as when my dad woke up at 6am on Christmas morning and was adamant on all of us getting up to open presents like we were kids again!
Eventually, whilst I was in sixth form, dad had to move to a care home due to the worsening of his condition and the stress it was causing at home. Not caring in the same way was strange, in some ways it even felt wrong. But in this case, it was the right thing to do for all. The care home were great, and as a sign that it is hard to just switch off and stop caring when the cared for person no longer lives at home, were more than happy for us to feed dad on days we visited (who could hardly speak due to condition at this point so this interaction felt bigger than it may sound). Dad would spend another 2 years at the care home until he passed away in October 2019 after a couple of weeks in hospital. Of course, he is hugely missed – but with so many great memories to call upon, it’s not likely he will ever be forgotten. The way he would always shake my hand when I’d say goodnight, how he would always say thank you once you’d helped seat belt him in the car or the way he would howl with laughter at the T.V. when his favourite shows were on. Those are just some of the memories that I perhaps wouldn’t have had if it were not caring for dad, but they are memories I will always be grateful for.
Caring has definitely had a huge impact on me. There are of course the negatives that I went through, such as the missing out on social time, the stress and worry of making sure that the person you care for is okay, the feeling of being unable to tell friends about what was going on at home. I consider myself lucky, I certainly haven’t had to go through some of the issues that other young carers face. I don’t think lingering on the negatives is beneficial at all, and weirdly, I believe that caring has given me more than it took away. Whether that be resilience, patience, my caring nature or ability to smile when things might feel hopeless, caring for my dad has given me all of these. It’s helped shape the person I am today, and I hope that other young carers realise, one day, all the positives of their caring too. Even from the negatives of caring comes positives, like being able to improve speaking to people about tough topics, or finding ways to deal with stress and worries. I think what I am trying to say is that caring is costly, but it’s not all bad being a young carer. I hope that others reading can see this too, and recognise that it takes one heck of a person to be a young carer! And now getting to work for such a great charity that works so hard to support young carers; that’s enough motivation in itself for me!
So, that’s it from me really. A massive thank you to everyone who has read this, I hope it has helped show that being a young carer can be a positive, despite all the negatives that are associated with caring for someone. I also want to thank everyone at SYC, before working here I don’t think I would have ever done something like this, but you all show that being a young carer isn’t something to be afraid or ashamed of whatsoever.
If you’d like to write a blog article for our website, we’d love to hear from you. Whether you’re a young carer now, you used to be a young carer yourself, you are supported by a young carer or you want to discuss important topics around young carer, all young carer blogs will be considered. As part of our 25th anniversary celebrations next year we want to post at least one blog/vlog once a month, so there is plenty of opportunity to get involved. Please get in touch with Nick by email - Nick.Hardwick@sheffieldyoungcarers.uk